Sunday, May 27, 2012

Express Yourself

Posted by Dancing Daring Delightful Diva at 8:55 AM
How many of you have had your feelings hurt? Of course we have! Tons of times and in tons of ways by tons of people right? Oh let me count the ways! I find myself in this predicament again, and this time I am looking at the ME side of the equation, so yeah for this learning experience - I suppose!

So, here's the ME part I find a little odd - I am articulate, educated, bold, and speak my mind - about MANY things ~~ except often I hold my tongue in situations with those I care about, whether it be family, friends, or dating. Perhaps I still just don't much care for conflict, maybe there is some fear with friends or dating that we won't get past it, that people will leave, maybe a fear of saying something I might regret - and just because they have hurt me, I refuse to purposely hurt them back. But really, if people would leave your life because you DO speak up and say your feelings and that your feelings are hurt and why, and even that they may have had a part in that process, are they really worth having in your life? I suppose a relationship of any kind, even family, has got to be able to handle conflict and discourse, and hopefully you come out stronger.

So, for those of you men or women who are in my boat where you find yourself sometimes NOT saying how you feel? This is what I have learned over the last few months - it is quite freeing to own the feelings, to say how you feel, to say you are hurting, angry, or whatever. DO IT, give it a try, it is pretty great! Ok, it sucks that it happened, and sucks that someone may have hurt your feelings, I won't lie...but there is some great freedom to find a way to express your feelings in a mature, adult manner - what happened, how it hurt your feelings, and THE feelings! Even trying to pinpoint what the feelings are can be difficult!


So, once we own the feelings, which if you are new at labeling them, finding the actual feeling, how or why you feel that way, then comes the hard part - letting go and forgiving if you can...the important next step. Here I go!

I do hope that I can teach my children better conflict management, feeling ownership and communication in this process ~ it really is such a life lesson and skill, and so many of us yell, cuss, 'fight,' avoid, or try passive-aggressive, or aggressive behaviors among other things - all defense mechanisms really since our feelings are hurt. But I want to try this with my kids, and have found myself telling them their feelings are theirs, they own them, can feel them, express them, so I think I am on my way...while learning along the way myself!

Happy, Delightful, expressing everyone!
Daring, Delightful Diva

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