Monday, December 31, 2012

Closure? Change? Bring it!!!

Posted by Daring Delightful Digital Diva at 9:36 AM 0 comments
New Year's is always a time of resolutions for most folks- weight loss, quit smoking, etc. For me New Year's in 2011 became quite a big deal when I moved to a new town with two children, knew not a soul, and did it all in a couple weeks' time frame at the holidays! It was a crazy hectic, life-changing time, and I had so many changes in one year, that at the end, and of course approaching the holidays last year, I couldn't  help but reflect.  I was even quite weepy about it all - in a good way!

Within a year I had gone from losing my job, struggling there, my roles being mom, single, family and friend roles, and there was a large struggle with my ex and his family as well. In that year and life overhaul, I met wonderful people who welcomed us, found great things to do, and it felt like home, so my New Years process has now become quite a thing about reflection rather than resolutions, though even I cannot help creating some as well! ;)

With my giant move, tons of change and overhauling in 2011, it felt like 2012 would be my year....only to now reflect again at this time and find out 2012 seems a bit more about some learning lessons and really about closure for me...From law suits, boundary setting, relationships, and heartaches - my life has been changing and shifting all year. Not that in the big picture of things, all of this in 2012 wasn't worth it because man alive it has been!  Awesome in fact!!! My 2012 reflection is here at New Year, New Direction.

So, in 2012 here's the scoop, lesson, experience or closure that I was meant go through to prepare me for more in 2013 and beyond!
  • A relationship or two that didn't work out -
    • Some disappearing acts that you don't get closure on or even the decency of a conversation - learning to let go and close it out on your own, while not making yourself crazy trying to understand - good one.  Because I didn't get this lesson the first time, I had a couple joyous events in this year!  I think I've got it now!  Now I tend to think - not for me if they choose to behave this way, dodged bullet, red flag averted, and making room for someone worthy of my time!  Yup!  I've come a long way baby - Life hands us lessons all the time and we get to see our progress sometimes - that we truly handle things differently - better!
    • Because I'm listening to the universe better, I hope that I don't get Blind-sided...NOT! I'd like to learn the lessons, see the big picture, see the red flags - all of it - SOONER!   
    • And I have in this year and this year alone - learned to Express Myself!  I can say what I need to say, respectfully and all, but have figured out how to say 'hey, that is unacceptable to me' or 'that hurt my feelings' and more!  YEAH!
    • I've also learned after several lessons to finally do the Hard Things - those things that are against your nature that someone else needs - for me, that is giving space, when I want to support, nurture, and be there for someone.  At least I finally learned how to do it! 
    • And I have learned that rejection isn't a bad thing, but someone moving out of the way for who you are supposed to be with, or who you are supposed to be.
  • Ex and the Legal Battle - My ex has had trouble with me and is not easy to work with, including starting in 2011 when he quit paying on a loan he owed me and I got the joy of really asking myself what my options were and what I could live with.  I decided it was now or never to ride out the big possibilities, and attempted small claims court to get my money - which in turn angered him and in the big picture he felt it more important to keep pushing me around, hoping I'd give up and took this to all new levels I didn't think were possible all the way until court on December 6, 2012. I got to go through proposed parenting plan, defenses, defend contempt charges he filed, sit through depositions, and many court dates later I had to sit through court as well.  I did not get my way fully, but quite a lot!  And the BIGGER lesson learned was that I was strong enough and that I set boundaries and did not cave, did not let him push me around - forevermore - and I hope that he learned that as well and things will get better in the long run! 
  • I enjoyed Christmas and the New Year - last year and this year - I literally don't remember much of that Christmas I moved, so choosing to really enjoy it and time with family and friends makes it all worth it now, and I am ever grateful for everyone who has supported me, been there, helped me, and I try to also have that attitude of helping others as well. 
  • I have learned finally to listen better to God's plan, the universe, my higher power, whatever you are comfortable with - that things really do fall into place when they are right, sometimes other things fall apart for something to fall into place, and that I need to listen and speed up this process - quit fighting it. 
    • In dating, that means mistreatment, no respect, decency, I am pretty much out.  I am not conceited, but know enough that I really am a smart, good, kind, giving, available woman and worthy of being treated well.  We all deserve that - I treat others well, and i expect the same in return.  Soooo, I have finally learned to RAISE MY VALUE :)
    • In parenting, it means that I do what is best for my kids and I listen TO what that best is - I do my best to work with their dad and family, and think of them and their higher good as well.  Also, that I am teaching them along the way to honor yourself, your values, your passions, enjoy all life has to offer, to try new things, and for them to be outside their boxes as well!
    • In work, it is listening and seeing the bigger picture, so when one person makes things difficult, I can step back, look for what the universe is providing me, handle it well, learn from it and keep on building a stellar career to set myself up for awesome opportunities now and in the future!
    • In my personal life, I listen to the universe on friends, hobbies, things I enjoy - and I follow my passions - my passions will lead me to connect with amazing people along the way that help fulfill my life and share in those passions and creative outlets.
    • In my purpose on life, I am starting to listen to that purpose, see that purpose, and am blessed to do for a living where I find passion - in living your best life, being healthy, and the bigger picture - teaching others to do so - whether it be seeing, teaching, or showing:
I am listening more to what opportunities I have to do that, or where I should or could! I don't want to bore you with my own reflection on 2013, but to stir your own reflections - what have you done in 2012, learned, experienced, shared?  What do you want out of 2013?  Set your intentions now not as a resolution, but a bigger picture way of thinking - know in your heart, mind, and soul what you want for your life, and set that intention to bring it to you.  Then live your life according to that - don't contradict with what you want, or if you catch yourself, correct your course throughout the year in 2013 and beyond!

Here's to 2013 - daring, bold, drastic, delightful, joyous times ahead!
Daring, Delightful, Dancing Diva :)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Legal Battle....

Posted by Daring Delightful Digital Diva at 11:31 PM 0 comments

I have finally come to a close on a legal issue and while I do not want to get into the details, I certainly have some thoughts and feelings surrounding the entire process.  I do want to share with those that care, and also share some things I learned along the way! I am in tears as I type, they just keep flowing, as if a giant release and floodgates have been opened.  They are tears of relief for sure, and of de-stressing, but also of joy - the joy in moving forward without this weight, joy of moving forward to new energy, joy of better things to do and deal with, and joys of resetting boundaries to work better together.  Mostly somehow they are tears of joy knowing that this only makes room for more joy and good things to land in my life!!!!  YIPPEE!!!

So at the root of the issue is that divorce can be ugly, and I have learned that even years later it can still be/get ugly, even if it is against your personal nature, positive outlook and that you don't want the drama, expense, or toll on the entire family, mostly the kiddos involved - but I found myself almost a year and a half ago having to determine a course of action that was in reaction to things thrown at me.  I had to assess some information from the other side and really get down to what I could live with in the long run - and I chose to go ahead and withstand the legal route.  I determined that the solution was not within my power and that things would not end until a judge intervened, which has finally happened today.  I really had to get down to my values, my core beliefs, and even those were tested, doubted...I am glad that I withstood this process. 

I have moved on and grown for years and built myself up, had so so many good things and people land in my life, I would wonder how or why an ex would care about a minute amount of money to spend thousands and a year and a half trying to avoid, only to end up financially worse off in the long run....there is at the root likely some jealousy, spite, resentment, or leftover anger.  But it is not my problem anymore. I am hoping that for the kids' sake since we have several more years ahead of us, that this will reset the boundaries, what is acceptable, what is not - and that I will no longer be pushed around at the whim, desires, lack of planning, or responsibility of someone else. 

For ME in this I learned that I can build even stronger roots to withstand the storm, to bend without breaking, to do things without knowing how I could, and wanting to throw in the towel many times.  I did come out stronger on the other side.  ~I am woman, I bend, I don't break!

At some point I let go of the outcome - I did know it couldn't have gotten any worse than what was offered in mediation - but for me I trusted that all would work out in the long run, and that releasing that exact outcome freed my heart and mind to draw it to me.  I tried my hardest not to let the negative in, the fears, the worries, the what if's...HAD HAD HAD to trust in the process, the universe and that good will come to good.  :)

The outcome has been ruled and my lawyer is writing up the plan - and it is soon done....before the holidays, in time to close out 2012, move forward....into 2013.  Bring it on!  I am pleased with the outcome, my lawyer is thrilled, my family and friends are thrilled.  Did I get absolutely everything? Nope.  Do I disagree with some things?  Yep.  Did I endure hearing lies on the stand?  Yep.  Did I come out 'ahead'?  Yep.  Did the other party hopefully learn a lesson?  Hopefully!  If not, it's not my problem at least!  Now I wouldn't want to be in that household this evening, and am quite content to be cozied up in my bed writing this, clearing out my head, my heart, making room for all this unabashed goodness to come.

I have MANY thanks & much gratitude - to friends, family, loved ones that have had to endure this with me - over the phone, in person, in silence, in yelling, in sending positive energy, love, light, prayers and more my way.  I am strong, but it takes a village sometimes - you have listened, hugged, offered that shoulder for tears at times, taken me dancing, out, exercised with me, breathed with me, built positive playlists, you name it!!! - you have been there for me, and I am grateful.  Ever more and may you find peace and light and know you can count on me.  

Off to sleep a peaceful, stress-free sleep tonight!
Daring, Delightful, inDebted, enDuring Diva :)

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