Thursday, February 7, 2013

Apologies anyone???

Posted by Daring Delightful Digital Diva at 7:00 AM 0 comments
We have all learned in life that people will mistreat us, hurt our feelings, etc - which lead to apologies.  And boy have I had quite the recent experience on this topic and thought more on this.

First off, let's dig in, shall we?  A "friend" got so drunk-ass on me, was obnoxious, said and did things for an afternoon, through dinner, and well into the evening until passing out cold....that I got the joy of putting up with that garbage and inappropriate stuff if you will. I felt like a teenager babysitting honestly...and should have left, except I am always the 'nice girl' - hindsight now tells me I should have! HAHA 

The next day "Apologies" ensued, with the instant expectation that I should just forgive and forget, but there is a big BUT......But, one did not even remember what was said or done, so I had the joy of repeating the story and all that happened, and also it made the so-called apology feel empty and over-arching, general and meaningless.  And who really expects someone to just blanket get over it in one moment anyway?  Just because YOU can't remember what you did to someone, doesn't mean they forget too, at least instantly!

So I thought more about apologies and that I teach my young children how to apologize better than that.  I've taught them that the words are just words unless you DO something - take action.  I teach them they need to DO something to make it right, or to make the person feel better, or take actions to improve their behavior, etc.  They are very much learning and apologize far better than this 'grown-up' ;)

In thinking more about apologies in general, and even being chastised by this person on being 'weird' for my apology stance that one would or should perhaps offer to pay me back for the drunkfest that I got to sit through, I decided to look more into apologies.  There are different STYLES that each person falls into, believe it or not!  You may have heard of the Five Love Languages, and Dr. Chapman has also written on the 5 Languages of Apologies.  I am very clearly and strongly one type - and obviously have been teaching my children along those lines too.  Find out more and what type you are here:  Apology Language Profile.  I fall into two strongly:  Accepting Responsibility, and Making Restitution - in other words, the doing something to make it right or make the person feel better. 

So I'm not WEIRD (ok maybe I am of course, just not in my thinking on apologies!)....this person is a jerk who can't own the behaviors, do anything to make the situation better or more forgivable to earn that forgiveness, and honestly is just a not-so-masked-jerk to begin with, clearly unmasked by alcohol and a very probable drinking problem if you are in your 40s and still drink so much to pass out and literally not remember?  Come on!   Oh and the best part of this deal????  The sober, next day, still trying to gain forgiveness and said "if we were at a different level, I wouldn't have gotten that bad" phrase - I was it's OKAY????? to treat your friends like a drunk-ass jerk, simply because she's a friend and you're not getting LAID?????  OMG I was outta there!!!  Even a jerk in the apology department! 

I thought you'd get a kick out of this too, maybe learn something new along the way, and might be interested to see what your apology language is, your partner's, your children's, or what direction you'd like to teach them - as long as we have more sincerity and good people in the world because of it - and less jerks! HAHA!  Oh, and if you are interested, here are the Five Love Languages too!

Happy apologizing everyone!
Your Delightful, Dancing, Daring Diva :)

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