Monday, August 1, 2016

Devising Plans - What kind of agreement maker are you?

Posted by Daring Delightful Digital Diva at 6:52 PM
Have you thought you made plans with someone, only to be disappointed? Have you had arguments with your child or spouse about an agreement you thought you had?  Well, we all function at different levels and you just need to work on communication skills to land at an actual agreement! BRILLIANT!

I recently got to listen to and learn from Neha Sangwan, MD and CEO of Intuitive Intelligence as our keynote speaker. She learned from treating patients medically that it wasn't always medical issues that plagued patients, but more personal issues - boiling down to communication often.  One piece that I took from her talk was the Five Levels of Agreement!  Ooooooooh, get her book Talk Rx to learn more and many other techniques.  She has a lovely YouTube Channel teaching many things as well HERE if you prefer videos and TED talks! So back to the Five Levels of Agreement Dr. Neha teaches in her communications.

I have been "waiting" for someone to make plans, confirm plans, etc. When there wasn't even a true agreement of who, what, when, where, and why.

Here are the levels - and learn more by purchasing her book, OMG! You will see your relationships differently from here on out!

  1. Acknowledgement - This does not mean that you have an agreement, perhaps simply as the other person acknowledging your existence, haha! 
  2. Positive interest - In seeking to get together or make plans, perhaps this is the place of "oh that would be awesome!" Do you have a friend that always SAYS they'd like to get together or have lunch?  This is only a level two agreement - simply positive interest toward you.  Not a bad thing, but just not an agreement to actually get together. 
  3. Qualified Yes - This is the age of non-commitment, texting and cyber ADHD. In trying to get together with this level 3 person, they might say that they could get together if, if, if, if.  Still no plans or confirmation, and the other person may not even know they are doing anything wrong. It is just simply a keeping my options and commitments open or noncommittal. This is the worst for me and an area that I need to work on.  The "oh, I could go kayaking on Sunday if I finish all my chores" scenario.  This leaves me hanging or "waiting" which I don't like or do well with. Do I not make other plans? Is it confirmed?  What do I do?  I ASK A QUESTION!
  4. Clear Yes - A resounding YES is so exciting to hear!  YES, my friend would like to get together with me!  Without the if's and's or but's!  And yet still we do not confirm any dates, times or plans! A clear yes is still only a level 4 agreement. 
  5. Details Confirmed - AGREEMENT - Level 5 agreement is DETAILS CONFIRMED! We have launch! Go Houston for take off! You get to level FIVE! A clear yes, with confirmed details. "Ok, great, how about this Saturday, I'll meet you there at 6:45 for GhostBusters?" Now that is a plan! 
WHEN IN DOUBT - ASK A QUESTION - don't assume anything, just simply ASK! Why sit frustrated with a friend or loved one that won't commit, doesn't seem to get together? Just ask! Then move on if plans don't get firmed up.  

Now, I only give you this brief synopsis to tell you that I've seen it! I have NOTICED, and become more aware.  I AM A LEVEL FIVE PERSON!  That is my natural preference, period! Even in this day and age, I am not afraid to commit or make official plans, and I can make them in person, on the phone, text, email, tweets, posts, etc - like Sam and Green Eggs and Ham I am! 

If I want to go to a movie with someone I will ask, confirm and lock it down! I have of course noticed the opposite.  There are a lot of levels of communicators and planners out there. I need to be more clear! By being more clear, etc, then I can weed out the other levels that don't actually want to get together with me, and then in essence?  Make room for those that do! 

So when that friend says "oh let's go get lunch sometime" I may now choose ignore it, realizing they only feigned a level two agreement, or I can clarify by asking a question. I could say "sure, what day works for you?" and they could go to a a qualified yes, of checking their calendar, or they could join me and land at level five and agree on a lunch date! Either way, I am better off by knowing these levels of agreement!  I can choose to clarify or walk away and let the other person make some plans or confirm with me at a later date.  But I don't have to let that person hurt my feelings, or be stuck waiting or wondering, and I CAN opt to fill my time and energy on those that would like to reach level five! 

You might find that you gravitate toward those that typically land at the same level, and that there is discourse if you are not.  Therein lies the problem!  So ask the questions, seek clarification, and move on, letting some people go, or get back to you on their schedule. At least you can avoid waiting on others, expectations, and disappointments from lost communications!

So for other level 5 folks, I'll be at the ready - to confirm, save in my calendar, and enjoy my time with you!  Like my friend who says "let's last-minute go to Big Sky for mountain biking and paddle boarding?" Yes please! And with my easy-going, fun loving husband, we all had plans made within an hour!  What a WONDERFUL weekend it was! WOW!  I saw that level 5 and jumped all over that, who wouldn't!? A great set of friends, lovely Montana, and fun adventure! No if if if on my end!

What level are you at the most?  Do you see some changes in your future? 
Again, get Dr. Neha's book - it is amazing, as is she - a lovely person! Talk Rx BOOK HERE

Daring, Delightful, Devising Level 5 Diva!  
A big shout out to Dr. Neha! 

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