Monday, December 12, 2016

We're no longer friends...We are strangers with memories

Posted by Daring Delightful Digital Diva at 4:28 PM
Alas, it has happened to me.
You know, that thing that you never thought would. 
One of my best friends is gone.

It has been a struggle for me, and while she was not my only friend, this has been a bizarre twist of events that has come to finalization and realization at the end of this year time of reflection, letting go, and resolutions. She is no longer my friend and it is time to accept that.

It
Is
Time
To
Let
Go

I've spent the last year or two wondering what is going through her mind when we run into each other. Does she notice? Does she care? Is she oblivious? Does she wonder what went wrong? What truths is she telling herself?  What lies does she believe?

I feel that I have constantly and continually been a nice person, put in efforts to hang out, be there, ask about her life, defend her, help her, give, give, give, do, do, do, and get nothing in return...it's time to let go. The person I may not recognize any longer is no longer worth my time or efforts. Period. It's time to mark up my own value and worth.  

She has been there for me, listened to me cry, she's cried, we've laughed together, and shared so many memories that I will cherish for years to come.  While there are things that hurt when someone lets you go in their life unexplained and you don't even understand, I can see through the fog that I have been blessed: by new people who've become friends, things I've done, adventures I've taken, ways I've pushed myself to learn, grow, and experience. I've genuinely had great times with her and that doesn't change, no matter the outcome I face now.

Friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, and while it ebbs and flows, it shouldn't be only a one-way path. Ever. You shouldn't become unworthy of a text, a how are you, a what's going on with you. Let alone a call or getting together.

It may simply be time to move on, let go, and I have enjoyed and noticed other friendships blossom and grow, so it reminds me of that saying "People enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime" and I guess I have been hung up on classifying her incorrectly all this time. I thought she was in the lifetime boat, but it turns out perhaps she was seasonal or for a variety of reasons. And that has to be okay. As a dear friend told me, "it might help you to reclassify her as an "acquaintance" rather than a "former best friend", as it might simply hurt less for you, and make a transition easier and possible."  Thank you, friend!  It is indeed time.

I look forward to letting this go, letting her go and moving forward to the land of "somebody I used to know." It's too hard to stay emotionally connected. For me. Time to let go, time to move on, time to stop worrying, wondering, wishing. Just time.

So, I forgive you my new acquaintance, or stranger with memories: for the hurts you have caused, the pains you have done, and that you no longer see value in my friendship. I thank you for your part in my journey while it lasted, and for those memories that I will cherish in my heart, tucked away. I release you.

Daring, Delightful, Diva

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